We Had to Hand Our Son Over

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<p>Luke has four children. Three of them are autistic. His youngest, Oscar, is non-verbal with PICA — he&#39;ll eat anything, including sand and his own faeces.</p><p>For years, Luke and his wife managed. He gave up his job as an HGV driver because the phone calls from home couldn&#39;t wait two hours for him to get back from Hereford. His parents were their only support network — his dad had worked with disabled children his whole life.</p><p>Then his dad died unexpectedly. And his mum said the words no one wants to hear: &quot;I can&#39;t do it on my own anymore.&quot;</p><p>Support workers came on weekends. Some were good. Others turned up 45 minutes late, by which point Oscar had stripped naked and was too dis-regulated to leave. One time, staff at a soft play centre had to tell the support workers that Oscar was naked — because they hadn&#39;t noticed.</p><p>Eventually, Luke and his wife had to say the hardest thing a parent can say: we can&#39;t meet his needs anymore.</p><p>They explored residential care. The council&#39;s response? They wanted to explore foster care first — because it was cheaper. No support systems. No respite for the foster family. Just school. Luke asked them directly: &quot;Why do you think complete strangers are going to do a better job than we did for eight years?&quot;</p><p>They won. Oscar is now in a specialist residential setting with speech and language therapy, 24-hour support, and a chance at communication. Luke still has full parental responsibility. They see him every fortnight. They can bring him home whenever they want.</p><p>But it doesn&#39;t sit right. It never will.</p><p>Luke also shares the fight for his middle son&#39;s EHCP — tribunal, legal battles, a previous school that sent nothing but a date of birth when asked for evidence. That education costs £120,000 a year. Half a million pounds by the time he finishes secondary school.</p><p>And he says something most parents won&#39;t say out loud: &quot;I hate autism.&quot;</p><p>Not everyone&#39;s autism. His autism. The one that means his family can&#39;t go to Christmas gatherings. The one that meant handing his son over. The one that doesn&#39;t fit the &quot;superpower&quot; narrative.</p><p><br></p><p>This is what the system doesn&#39;t want you to see.</p>